She is here for the men. She makes that unmistakably clear. She goes straight in and makes her move without hesitation. And her approach works: She’s already scored numbers from five eligible bachelors – all of them unabashedly intrigued by what she has to offer. She’s straightforward, unapologetic and confident.
And she’s starting to get a reputation.
“I’ve been to so many of these things, people have started approaching me,” says Robyn Swider ’10. “They’ll come up to me and say, ‘Hey, aren’t you that matchmaker?’ and I say, ‘I am!’ It’s a great conversation starter.”
Yep, Swider is that matchmaker – specifically, the one who last spring launched the New York branch of the L.A.–based dating service Three åDay Rule. Looking for a New York matchmaker to help establish its brand on the East Coast, the company posted an ad on LinkedIn.
“My friend sent it to me and said, half kidding, ‘Look! You really can be a matchmaker!’” recalls Swider, who has long had a penchant for matching friends up with one another. “I never dreamed I’d turn my love for matchmaking into a career!”
It was, well, the perfect match for the communication major, who immediately started reaching out to various groups and attending networking events to spread the word about Three Day Rule.
“You have to be a self-starter. You have to be willing to go out there and make things happen,” says Swider, who has helped hire three other New York–based matchmakers since she started with Three Day Rule. “You have to be able to go after what you want – in my case, matches for my clients.”
So, two or three nights a week, Swider attends networking events (e.g., gallery openings, charity functions, professional events, alumni receptions) to search for matches for the 30 or so clients she has at any given time. Paying $5,000 for six months of matchmaking services, Swider’s clients are generally successful men and women in their late 20s to early 40s who have never been married and don’t have kids.
“Most of my clients have just been focused on their careers,” says Swider. “They’re busy. They have no time to go on bad dates, so they just want to make sure there’s a chance at a long-term relationship before they waste their time.”
And Swider wastes no time: In the initial interview with her clients, she asks some general questions (about hobbies, their family, etc.) before going more in-depth about what they’re looking for in a partner. Getting to know the clients – and the difference between what they say they are looking for and what they’re actually looking for – is crucial in the matchmaking business.
“You have to be able to read people and read between the lines of what they say – and they have to want to open up to you. They have to trust you. They need to feel like you really know them and that you are listening to them and understanding them,” says Swider.
While the goal is always to find long-term love for her clients, Swider points out that that’s not always what they need when they come to her.
“Even if they don’t find the love of their life through us, it’s still such a valuable experience because you learn so much. You might have been thinking you wanted one thing out of a partner, but find out that that’s not what is really going to work for you,” she says. “It also gives people a confidence boost – it shows them the qualities that they have that are attractive to other people. That kind of confidence gives them a different vibe when they go out and meet people down the road.”
After all, it’s that kind of confidence that gets you what you want. Swider is willing to stake her reputation on it.
– Alicia Lutz ’98
